mixed wrestling story : the Big Jello Wrestler

The Big Jello Wrestler

I was in a mixed wrestling match that did not go as I thought it would. In fact it was quite painful. Jackie was a relatively new employee. One day we were talking about sports and I mentioned that I was a varsity wrestler (just graduated from high school a year before). Jackie insisted that I was too puny (I am 5’6” and was in the 150lb weight class). I told her she was a big cow (she is 6’1” and 220lbs). Jackie laughed and said she’d take me easily. She went on to talk about her experience as a jello wrestler. I told her that rolling around in jello with other women was not the same as going against someone with strategy and training. I added that she sure did not look like any jello wrestler I had ever seen. She asked, “so why don’t you bring it on?” I told her she was making a mistake and would be happy to oblige. I figured while she is certainly bigger and maybe even stronger, she was not as fast and definitely not as trained.

We headed back to the dock where a couple of people laid out a set of packing mats. Jackie asked, “are you sure you want to do this? I am going to kick your ass”. I told her, “just worry about yourself”. She was dressed in jeans and blouse and I had on a t-shirt and jeans. We kicked off our shoes and stepped onto the mats. There was part of me that had some doubt… she was BIG!

Jackie crouched down and said, “bring it on”. I rushed her and we locked up. Before she knew what was happening, I twisted around behind her and tripped her to the ground. I got onto her back and got her into a full nelson. She was struggling trying to use her hands to get a hold of my face and instead was just flailing at the side of my head. I laughed and knew that just would not work. Clearly, she felt rather trapped and I locked my grip tighter. It seemed she just might give and stopped struggling. I asked her, “have you had enough yet?” I looked up at the circle of people who were standing around watching. They were surprised at my quick victory.

Jackie said, “Give up to you? You have got to be kidding”. Jackie then got up to her and knees while held onto the full nelson. I thought she was going to stand up. Instead, she flung herself backwards landing right on top of me. I was stunned. Her 220lbs hit like a freight train.

Before I was able to collect myself and try something, she scrambled, flipped and was over me. She crashed her weight onto my stomach knocking the wind out of me. I shoved with all of my might and almost knocked her backwards but she caught herself in time. Then she started grabbing at my wrists. It was not long before she got them and pinned my arms to the ground. Her arms were very strong and with her weight behind it, it was impossible to prevent. Jackie got her knees onto my shoulders and sat upright. Her weight on my belly was enormous.

I tried to roll over but it she was too heavy. Same for bucking her off… in fact that made it worse.. the crash landings were pain filled and energy sapping. Jackie looked down into my face and said, “so all that varsity stuff was a waste time wasn’t it”. I told her I never had to wrestle a ten to cow before. She asked, “ten tons eh?” She then started bouncing her but on top of my stomach. The slams were getting to be quite uncomfortable and it was hard to breath with her doing that. It also was pretty bad for my ribs.

After a number of slams, she got tired of bouncing on top of me… maybe she wasn’t athletic enough to keep it up. Finally she said, “you give”? Just wanting her off of me, I said I did. She tapped me across the face and said, “just remember… you got beat by a ten ton cow and I’ll be happy to do it again. By the way, I was the jello wrestler who ALWAYS won”. Laying there with her on top of me, I vowed to get revenge.